jkmoreno: (Default)

So this is it. New Moon's official opening night, which as predicted is provoking strong reactions. The Twilighters are going gaga even though most of them probably went to the midnight showings, and the anti-Twilighters want to set them on fire. Me, I find myself not caring really, as can be evidenced by the fact that I've been at this for a while now and am only at chapter five. There's a good way to sum this up though, I think.


"For you, the day New Moon graced your theaters was the most important day of your life. But for me ... it was Friday."

I never intended to have this finished by the day the movie came out. I'm too much of a procrastinator by nature and there are many, many things I would rather do than read some book I don't get into very much. So I get easily distracted by video games, friends, better books and movies, watching milk curdle, that sort of thing. However, I do intend to see this through, if only because I said I would and I figure there'll be a nice feeling of accomplishment from it even if I don't get any more comments other than the few I've already gotten.

So in a special edition, not only will you be getting my review of Chapter Five, I'll link you to some thoughts on the New Moon movie, since the only way I'm ever going to see it myself anytime soon is if I'm going with friends, and at least one of them is a female who will be making out with me throughout the boring parts. Maybe later in the book will convince me otherwise, but so far it's not good enough to permit emasculation.

In any case, now for someone who's way too good to be an opening act for my amateur ass. Here's Bob Chipman of The Escapist with his thoughts on New Moon.


 
jkmoreno: (Default)

So not long after I got my internet back, I was whisked away for three days and two nights for a job-related function I'd been looking forward to for some time. Three times a year, our region holds what's called a Train the Trainer seminar, where those who would become trainers attend and learn about our training process and associated topics like preparation and delivery, and some who have been trainers for some time attend to review and recertify. I did neither, because this time I was one of the trainers developing the candidates. It was a wonderfully fun experience for me, because despite being a rather non-social creature I enjoy meeting new and awesome people. I got to meet about fifty really awesome people over time, some of which have already availed of themselves of my offer to call me up and ask for advice.

If I did good on this assignment, then I would earn myself the opportunity to be considered for training at more Train the Trainer seminars or even getting to go out and open new restaurants, which is a good road to advancement. Thursday, I was judged as having done just as well as they felt I could, and I'm going to be considered for the next one, which had me jumping up and down. Friday was a good day at work, but I probably overdid the celebration cause I woke up sick Saturday morning.

What does this mean? Well, I did definitely forget about a certain crappy book I was reading in favor of better ones, but with the book sitting right here on my left and a few friends looking forward to the next insallment ... well, I can't disappoint the tens of fans I have, right?

 
 

 
jkmoreno: (Default)

I must say, even if you're not the type that has something or somewhere to frequent online, having no internet is a major pain in the posterior. Even though I can accurately recall times when there wasn't such a thing, when the internet was still very much a fad in some ways, in this day and age having no internet makes me feel kinda cut off from the world, or at least from satisfying the odd urge to look up something that just randomly pops into my head. Even though the issue is now resolved, I gotta shake my head at AT&T for making the incorrect assumptions that led to this predicament, and the fact that I had to make four calls over two weeks just to get a straight and correct answer (the first three were all wrong somehow) and three more calls over the following week just to get everything back up and running. Dialup just doesn't cut it much in this day and age.

Anyway, enough computer talk. I'll bitch more about my internet woes in my personal journal if I feel inclined. This journal is for bitching about New Moon, and this chapter certainly earned it.

This totally isn't worth the three-week wait, I'm tellin' ya! )
jkmoreno: (Default)
Recently, I got invited to see Zombieland with some friends, along with some of the wonderfully awesome people responsible for the Halloween Haunt at California's Great America. If you're local, then you probably know what I mean. If you're not or you don't, go here. Afterwards, we adjourned to a residence and enjoyed telling stories by the fire. Most of them were of other haunted house experiences, and it hit me how much Twilightmania hit when more than one of them had a story where a vampire character was compared to Edward Cullen, or asked if they sparkled in the sun, or what not, and there was more than one discussion about the Twilight Saga's less endearing points.

It makes me wonder if anyone ever thought of trying to do some sort of YouTube parody that pit Twilightmania against Pottermania. Or better yet, against Hulkamania. I guess you're stuck with me until someone else does that, so here I'll bring another installment of something that's not nearly as awesome as Zombieland. The first offering got stopped at the line of scrimmage, so let's see if some yardage can be gained here.


Seriously, check out Zombieland if you haven't already! )
jkmoreno: (Default)

 
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the main event of the evening! The following contest is an unprecedented BEST OF TWENTY-SIX FALLS MATCH, with no count-outs and no disqualifications, and it is for the Internet Heavyweight Championship of the Internet!

"Entering the arena first, is the challenger! From San Jose, California, weighing in at none of your damn business. Representing Team Sea Slug ... J.K. MORENO! And his opponent ... from the mind and pen of Stephenie Meyer, weighing in at 536 pages. Representing Team Twilight ... the current and defending Internet Heavyweight Champion of the Internet ... the former New York Times and USA Today best-selling book, NEW MOON!"
 


 GAME ON!


Go Team Sea Slug! )
jkmoreno: (Default)

Resisting the temptation to use the logo again, since I just used it in the last entry, but I feel kinda proud of myself for making it because it's actually the first picture I ever cobbled together with an editor. Usually I just crop and scale, but this time I did some cutting and pasting and adding text. Sure, there are people with way more Photoshop-fu out there, but I don't even -have- Photoshop and I've never been much of an artist, so yay me!

Before I get into the ground rules of this exercise, I want to give a shout out to the ones who inspired it. Obviously (for those of you who might have read his stuff) major inspirational credit goes to Mike Smith ( http://mike-smith.livejournal.com ) and his humorous critiques of the Harry Potter series which have been giving me lots of laughs and perspective since 2005 (warning: not safe for die-hard Harry Potter fans). He also posted a brief critique of the Twilight Saga as a whole back in August 2008 during the frenzy of the impending release of Breaking Dawn based on their plot summaries on Wikipedia at the time. The review was funny and awesome, because of or in spite of the fact that the plot summaries were crap, and it is my hope I can do for the Twilight Saga what he did for Harry Potter. Or at least entertain and gain new readers.

Another major inspiration is one of my closest and dearest friends, Amanda Dalton ( http://amandadalton.com/index.htm ), who is quite possibly the nicest and most encouraging person I know, and certainly one of the most creative. I figured I had a potential winner on my hands when I mentioned this project to her and she got a maniacal gleam in her eyes and said "Do it!". So I am. It's always encouraging to know that what you do will make at least one person smile and laugh.

Credit also goes out to all the friends and acquaintances whom I've discussed the possibility of this project with, in particular Steve ( http://pandoras-closet.livejournal.com ) and Heatherface ( http://www.heatherface.com ). More inspiration also came from the rapid-fire stylings of Zero Punctuation's Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw ( http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation ), and also from many random women at OkCupid who consider the Twilight Saga to be among their favorite books. If it was under my radar before, it certainly isn't now. Not a bad thing, mind you, because visibility is part of how new fans are born.

All right, without more proving why I'm the Master of tl;dr Disaster ...

The Story So Far ... )
jkmoreno: (Default)

It began ... as the best-selling review series of all time!

... uh, not really. But still! A simple man with really long hair quested his way into the heart of a nation!

... yeah, that didn't happen either. Even so, now ... for his greatest, and thus far only adventure yet, he will quest ... INTO THIS BLOG!

From the sort of guy that brought you absolutely nothing. A TL;DR adventure for the whole TL;DR family!

This autumn, the temperature will fall ... but something else shall rise!



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May 2012

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