IV. Bella Needs Folgers
Nov. 17th, 2009 04:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jkmorenoSo not long after I got my internet back, I was whisked away for three days and two nights for a job-related function I'd been looking forward to for some time. Three times a year, our region holds what's called a Train the Trainer seminar, where those who would become trainers attend and learn about our training process and associated topics like preparation and delivery, and some who have been trainers for some time attend to review and recertify. I did neither, because this time I was one of the trainers developing the candidates. It was a wonderfully fun experience for me, because despite being a rather non-social creature I enjoy meeting new and awesome people. I got to meet about fifty really awesome people over time, some of which have already availed of themselves of my offer to call me up and ask for advice.
If I did good on this assignment, then I would earn myself the opportunity to be considered for training at more Train the Trainer seminars or even getting to go out and open new restaurants, which is a good road to advancement. Thursday, I was judged as having done just as well as they felt I could, and I'm going to be considered for the next one, which had me jumping up and down. Friday was a good day at work, but I probably overdid the celebration cause I woke up sick Saturday morning.
What does this mean? Well, I did definitely forget about a certain crappy book I was reading in favor of better ones, but with the book sitting right here on my left and a few friends looking forward to the next insallment ... well, I can't disappoint the tens of fans I have, right?
CHAPTER FOUR: WAKING UP (My Title: Bella Hears Voices And Sees Dead People)
I think this book was meant to read like a diary of sorts, because between the end of the last chapter and the beginning of this one, nine pages are wasted illustrating the passage of time with a header that says "OCTOBER", followed by a blank page and then a header that says "NOVEMBER", and so on right to January. Not certain of the point of that. Maybe for immersion, or just to hammer the point that time has passed. If that's the hammer, then maybe the first page of the chapter, which is just an orphan paragraph dramatizing the passage of time, is the nail. It looks like the chapter itself actually starts on the next page, where Charlie does the classic "slam a fist on the table" gesture and threatens to send Bella home. Bella's so out of it that she didn't even know they were having a conversation, and says that she is home, where Charlie helpfully confirms that he meant to send her back to her aunt and uncle in Bel Air ... I mean, her mom in Jacksonville. A reach, but I don't have much else to work with.
Bella takes this as punishment, as she wonders what she did to deserve it. She notes that other than a first week that nobody talks about, she was practically the perfect child minus being happy. I'm going to just go out on a limb and say that the first week was spent in some grieving-induced fugue mixed with grieving-induced psychosis, because my first couple of assumptions are very much not funny in the least. In any case, Charlie even goes as far as to say that getting in trouble would be better than moping around. He's obviously giving this girl a little too much credit, which he seems to pick up on immediately because upon Bella's insistence that she is not moping around, he conceded that she is right, but notes that moping around would at least be doing something, rather than being lifeless.
Charlie tries to help, but as I know from personal experience there's no helping anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Suggesting that Bella see a psychologist has the pretty predictable reaction of Bella knowing intellectualy what a psychologist does, knowing that a psychologist can help if she's honest, but refusing anyway. Granted, she figures she'd get carted off to an asylum if she were completely upfront about being in love with a vampire and all that, which I guess I can sympathize with. I think what Bella really needs to do is move out to my area, because I'm pretty sure there are people who claim to be vampires and people who claim to be in love with them in at least some sort of supply, so it would make for a good hiding-in-plain-sight strategy. Course, the California sun would light Edward up so much that he'd attract every magpie in the state, but you can't win them all.
Eventually Charlie gets tired of beating around the bush and comes right out with it: it's been months with no calls, no letters, no contact, so she should stop pining and waiting for Edward because it's just not good for her. At least this gets a reaction out of Bella, a negative one, cause that subject is forbidden, and Bella leaves. In a sense, this makes me appreciate Charlie more, because he's being refreshingly normal. I don't dislike the abnormalness all around me, and in many ways I contribute to it, but even I need a break sometimes. Sure, the perspective is totally lost on a Bella who's determined to grieve over this until the cows or the vampires come home, but at least somebody's trying here.
We're now treated to Bella getting to school early and catching up on all her work because it's something to do to take her mind off of her problems, among them asking one of her B-team friends to go to a movie. Not that she particularly wants to go, mind you, but she figures if she does, maybe Charlie will get off her back and not send her to her mom. I don't see this working as intended, because if Bella can't even summon up the effort to act normal and soldier on, Charlie's not going to buy that she actually went out and had a good time, but who knows? Maybe she'll have a good time and surprise me. In any case, the fact that Jessica, the aforementioned B-teamer, was surprised that Bella was actually talking to her, pretty much fills in a blank: Bella's been ignoring the world the last four months, or doing her best to. If this wasn't enough, Bella doesn't even know what movies are playing and accidentally suggests one that stopped playing long before then. I believe the word we're looking for here is "fail!"
After they get their crap squared away, the rest of the day passes well, though we're hit hard with even more evidence of Bella's pain at the Cullens' departure. Edward didn't take the stereo back, either because that would have required more time than he had or because it wasn't from -him- so it was okay, so Bella apparently clawed the thing out with her own hands and nails and left it in a garbage bag in her room. I didn't even think that was possible, but since she mentions that her nails were a bloody mess, I'm guessing that it's just not pretty. Jessica arrives to pick her up, and there's a bit of conversation that has about as much depth as cardboard. Almost immediately a song that Bella recognizes comes on, so she asks permission to change it and searches for something harmless, which to Jessica's surprise turns out to be rap.
You know, there's a joke in there somewhere, but the first thing that comes to mind for me is a sketch from the late Richard Jeni which both made me laugh and hit a bit too close to home at one point. He jokes about there being a radio station that played nothing but love songs, in an attempt to get single people or people that have been recently dumped to get depressed and kill themselves. I can't do the sketch justice in print, so I won't try, but the next part of it mentions that when you're going through a break-up, you need different music. Not good, just stupid, and he suggests the Ethel Merman Christmas CD. I can sort of see that here, and considering Edward is a musician perhaps it hits even harder. All bets are off if she starts channeling Sailor Jupiter, though.
In any case, more cardboard conversation, and eventually we get to the movie. Now, in the earlier part that I glossed over, Bella was given the choice between a zombie movie and a romantic comedy. I'm a big fan of romantic comedies, being as I have my hopeless romantic moments, but I couldn't stomach one just after a breakup, and neither can Bella. So she picks the zombie movie. To her horror, there's a bit with a couple in the first two minutes, which is enough to cause Bella to flip out and leg it for the concession stand for ten minutes. She comes back and sits through the movie quietly, which in my opinon is not how you enjoy movies. Then again, I believe they need chants as if you were watching a pro wrestling event, so since I didn't mention it last chapter, what the hell does Jakey Mo know? Well, he does know that Bella just identified more with a zombie than with the heroine running for her life, and Bella must once again take a powder.
By this point, Jessica's had enough of Bella's crap just as I have. If she were legal and didn't talk like a cross between a shallow socialite and a pseudo-valley girl, I'd totally go for it. The girl who plays her in the movies is attractive enough anyway. On their way to get food at no less an establishment than the Golden Arches, Bella stops near a bar of all places. One-Eyed Pete's, but no sign of a pirate motif anywhere. There are, however, four guys near the open door, which triggers a sense of deja vu in Bella. Apparently this called back to a night, and one of the men, who Bella notes was short and dark, looks at her with interest. At first I thought she was talking about Edward and was ready to curse over having apparently jinxed myself with the Sailor Jupiter reference, but then Bella mentioned a man who threatened her, so I'm guessing she means James. So instead of cursing myself, I'm gonna curse Bella for being a dork. Yeah, that works. Because obviously if you're a young woman on a dark street going by a bar, and you see four guys you don't know, but one of them looks like the dude that tried to kill you last year and he calls you sugar, the correct response is to approach them.
Jessica tries to remonstrate with Bella, but Bella shows no signs of being anything other than a particularly stupid wall at this point. I'd make some dumb crack about how normally it's a vampire who's suppoosed to mesmerize you, but in Bella's deluded mind that's kinda what's happening. She does at least say that she's not suicidal, but she notes that she would have considered death a relief for her, if not for the hurt it would cause her parents and the fact that she promised Edward.
...
You know, at this point I seriously wonder what kind of message this sends to people who have been experiencing similar problems. I highly doubt that nobody read this and thought of suicide as an acceptable way out of their problems just because Bella did, but I have to wonder how someone who read this and is currently in the middle of a bad breakup or similar situation would consider it. Especially if that person feels that they don't have a Charlie or Renee to keep on for, or an Edward to make them promise not to do anything reckless or stupid. Obviously the Twilight fanbase is impressionable enough to inspire cosplay and fanfics. There are Twilight-themed rock bands. The series boosted the economy of the real Forks, Washington. Kelly Clarkson wrote a song based on this very damn book. I know that later on Bella redeems herself and gets to live happily ever after and blah blah blah, but seriously? If not for her parents and Edward, Bella would have killed herself or let herself die? Maybe it's because I've been there myself, and know too many people who have, and some who eventually did take their own lives, but this doesn't hold water with me. This makes me think more about Catcher in the Rye, about the 1980 movie Ordinary People, than anything I can really do comedy about.
...
Forgive me, y'all, I just needed to get that out of my system. Okay, let's go on.
Where were we again? Oh yeah, Bella's about to go violate one of the first things you learn as a child and go talk to strangers, while Jessica tries in vain to stop her. Closer and closer we get, until a male voice tells Bella to stop. A furious voice, but familiar and beautiful, soft like velvet even though it was irate ...
... oh, hell no, I forgot about this in the middle of my rant from above. Yes, Bella seriously thinks she's hearing Edward's voice now, though she makes a point of saying that she couldn't think of him by name. Coulda foold me there, sister. Suddenly this makes everything clearer anyhow, and Bella debates what this means. Of course, she glosses over "crazy" and goes into rationalizations, thinking that this is her subconscious speaking out and giving her what it thinks she wants, which is the notion that Edward cares whether she lives or dies and damn it I can't make this crap up someone tell me I'm not reading this. I can't even call Option B "crazy" because it does make sense on one level, but rationalizing it makes it seem crazier. She even makes it make more sense to me by noting that she tried to be strict about not thinking of Edward, because that hurt her, and she chose lifelessness over pain.
You know what, I have happier things to look forward to right now. I'm just going to phone the rest of this in before I'm inclined to throw this book out of my window. Bella's subconscious Edward finally ropes her in, she and Jessica eat in silence because Jessica (like me) doesn't want to deal with Bella's bullshit anymore, Bella goes home, and now the pain associated from thinking about Edward hits in the most melodramatic way possible. That's it. Screw this, I'm outta here.
I think this book was meant to read like a diary of sorts, because between the end of the last chapter and the beginning of this one, nine pages are wasted illustrating the passage of time with a header that says "OCTOBER", followed by a blank page and then a header that says "NOVEMBER", and so on right to January. Not certain of the point of that. Maybe for immersion, or just to hammer the point that time has passed. If that's the hammer, then maybe the first page of the chapter, which is just an orphan paragraph dramatizing the passage of time, is the nail. It looks like the chapter itself actually starts on the next page, where Charlie does the classic "slam a fist on the table" gesture and threatens to send Bella home. Bella's so out of it that she didn't even know they were having a conversation, and says that she is home, where Charlie helpfully confirms that he meant to send her back to her aunt and uncle in Bel Air ... I mean, her mom in Jacksonville. A reach, but I don't have much else to work with.
Bella takes this as punishment, as she wonders what she did to deserve it. She notes that other than a first week that nobody talks about, she was practically the perfect child minus being happy. I'm going to just go out on a limb and say that the first week was spent in some grieving-induced fugue mixed with grieving-induced psychosis, because my first couple of assumptions are very much not funny in the least. In any case, Charlie even goes as far as to say that getting in trouble would be better than moping around. He's obviously giving this girl a little too much credit, which he seems to pick up on immediately because upon Bella's insistence that she is not moping around, he conceded that she is right, but notes that moping around would at least be doing something, rather than being lifeless.
Charlie tries to help, but as I know from personal experience there's no helping anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Suggesting that Bella see a psychologist has the pretty predictable reaction of Bella knowing intellectualy what a psychologist does, knowing that a psychologist can help if she's honest, but refusing anyway. Granted, she figures she'd get carted off to an asylum if she were completely upfront about being in love with a vampire and all that, which I guess I can sympathize with. I think what Bella really needs to do is move out to my area, because I'm pretty sure there are people who claim to be vampires and people who claim to be in love with them in at least some sort of supply, so it would make for a good hiding-in-plain-sight strategy. Course, the California sun would light Edward up so much that he'd attract every magpie in the state, but you can't win them all.
Eventually Charlie gets tired of beating around the bush and comes right out with it: it's been months with no calls, no letters, no contact, so she should stop pining and waiting for Edward because it's just not good for her. At least this gets a reaction out of Bella, a negative one, cause that subject is forbidden, and Bella leaves. In a sense, this makes me appreciate Charlie more, because he's being refreshingly normal. I don't dislike the abnormalness all around me, and in many ways I contribute to it, but even I need a break sometimes. Sure, the perspective is totally lost on a Bella who's determined to grieve over this until the cows or the vampires come home, but at least somebody's trying here.
We're now treated to Bella getting to school early and catching up on all her work because it's something to do to take her mind off of her problems, among them asking one of her B-team friends to go to a movie. Not that she particularly wants to go, mind you, but she figures if she does, maybe Charlie will get off her back and not send her to her mom. I don't see this working as intended, because if Bella can't even summon up the effort to act normal and soldier on, Charlie's not going to buy that she actually went out and had a good time, but who knows? Maybe she'll have a good time and surprise me. In any case, the fact that Jessica, the aforementioned B-teamer, was surprised that Bella was actually talking to her, pretty much fills in a blank: Bella's been ignoring the world the last four months, or doing her best to. If this wasn't enough, Bella doesn't even know what movies are playing and accidentally suggests one that stopped playing long before then. I believe the word we're looking for here is "fail!"
After they get their crap squared away, the rest of the day passes well, though we're hit hard with even more evidence of Bella's pain at the Cullens' departure. Edward didn't take the stereo back, either because that would have required more time than he had or because it wasn't from -him- so it was okay, so Bella apparently clawed the thing out with her own hands and nails and left it in a garbage bag in her room. I didn't even think that was possible, but since she mentions that her nails were a bloody mess, I'm guessing that it's just not pretty. Jessica arrives to pick her up, and there's a bit of conversation that has about as much depth as cardboard. Almost immediately a song that Bella recognizes comes on, so she asks permission to change it and searches for something harmless, which to Jessica's surprise turns out to be rap.
You know, there's a joke in there somewhere, but the first thing that comes to mind for me is a sketch from the late Richard Jeni which both made me laugh and hit a bit too close to home at one point. He jokes about there being a radio station that played nothing but love songs, in an attempt to get single people or people that have been recently dumped to get depressed and kill themselves. I can't do the sketch justice in print, so I won't try, but the next part of it mentions that when you're going through a break-up, you need different music. Not good, just stupid, and he suggests the Ethel Merman Christmas CD. I can sort of see that here, and considering Edward is a musician perhaps it hits even harder. All bets are off if she starts channeling Sailor Jupiter, though.
In any case, more cardboard conversation, and eventually we get to the movie. Now, in the earlier part that I glossed over, Bella was given the choice between a zombie movie and a romantic comedy. I'm a big fan of romantic comedies, being as I have my hopeless romantic moments, but I couldn't stomach one just after a breakup, and neither can Bella. So she picks the zombie movie. To her horror, there's a bit with a couple in the first two minutes, which is enough to cause Bella to flip out and leg it for the concession stand for ten minutes. She comes back and sits through the movie quietly, which in my opinon is not how you enjoy movies. Then again, I believe they need chants as if you were watching a pro wrestling event, so since I didn't mention it last chapter, what the hell does Jakey Mo know? Well, he does know that Bella just identified more with a zombie than with the heroine running for her life, and Bella must once again take a powder.
By this point, Jessica's had enough of Bella's crap just as I have. If she were legal and didn't talk like a cross between a shallow socialite and a pseudo-valley girl, I'd totally go for it. The girl who plays her in the movies is attractive enough anyway. On their way to get food at no less an establishment than the Golden Arches, Bella stops near a bar of all places. One-Eyed Pete's, but no sign of a pirate motif anywhere. There are, however, four guys near the open door, which triggers a sense of deja vu in Bella. Apparently this called back to a night, and one of the men, who Bella notes was short and dark, looks at her with interest. At first I thought she was talking about Edward and was ready to curse over having apparently jinxed myself with the Sailor Jupiter reference, but then Bella mentioned a man who threatened her, so I'm guessing she means James. So instead of cursing myself, I'm gonna curse Bella for being a dork. Yeah, that works. Because obviously if you're a young woman on a dark street going by a bar, and you see four guys you don't know, but one of them looks like the dude that tried to kill you last year and he calls you sugar, the correct response is to approach them.
Jessica tries to remonstrate with Bella, but Bella shows no signs of being anything other than a particularly stupid wall at this point. I'd make some dumb crack about how normally it's a vampire who's suppoosed to mesmerize you, but in Bella's deluded mind that's kinda what's happening. She does at least say that she's not suicidal, but she notes that she would have considered death a relief for her, if not for the hurt it would cause her parents and the fact that she promised Edward.
...
You know, at this point I seriously wonder what kind of message this sends to people who have been experiencing similar problems. I highly doubt that nobody read this and thought of suicide as an acceptable way out of their problems just because Bella did, but I have to wonder how someone who read this and is currently in the middle of a bad breakup or similar situation would consider it. Especially if that person feels that they don't have a Charlie or Renee to keep on for, or an Edward to make them promise not to do anything reckless or stupid. Obviously the Twilight fanbase is impressionable enough to inspire cosplay and fanfics. There are Twilight-themed rock bands. The series boosted the economy of the real Forks, Washington. Kelly Clarkson wrote a song based on this very damn book. I know that later on Bella redeems herself and gets to live happily ever after and blah blah blah, but seriously? If not for her parents and Edward, Bella would have killed herself or let herself die? Maybe it's because I've been there myself, and know too many people who have, and some who eventually did take their own lives, but this doesn't hold water with me. This makes me think more about Catcher in the Rye, about the 1980 movie Ordinary People, than anything I can really do comedy about.
...
Forgive me, y'all, I just needed to get that out of my system. Okay, let's go on.
Where were we again? Oh yeah, Bella's about to go violate one of the first things you learn as a child and go talk to strangers, while Jessica tries in vain to stop her. Closer and closer we get, until a male voice tells Bella to stop. A furious voice, but familiar and beautiful, soft like velvet even though it was irate ...
... oh, hell no, I forgot about this in the middle of my rant from above. Yes, Bella seriously thinks she's hearing Edward's voice now, though she makes a point of saying that she couldn't think of him by name. Coulda foold me there, sister. Suddenly this makes everything clearer anyhow, and Bella debates what this means. Of course, she glosses over "crazy" and goes into rationalizations, thinking that this is her subconscious speaking out and giving her what it thinks she wants, which is the notion that Edward cares whether she lives or dies and damn it I can't make this crap up someone tell me I'm not reading this. I can't even call Option B "crazy" because it does make sense on one level, but rationalizing it makes it seem crazier. She even makes it make more sense to me by noting that she tried to be strict about not thinking of Edward, because that hurt her, and she chose lifelessness over pain.
You know what, I have happier things to look forward to right now. I'm just going to phone the rest of this in before I'm inclined to throw this book out of my window. Bella's subconscious Edward finally ropes her in, she and Jessica eat in silence because Jessica (like me) doesn't want to deal with Bella's bullshit anymore, Bella goes home, and now the pain associated from thinking about Edward hits in the most melodramatic way possible. That's it. Screw this, I'm outta here.
RATING: BAD!
Seriously, what am I supposed to be divining from this chapter? That Bella really hurts? That Bella loves Edward? That Bella can't function without him? Damn it all, I already knew all this! What's the point of trying to hammer it in my head further? To make it stick? I'm sure there's probably a payoff here, but right now I'd much rather just kick Bella's ass until she realizes what a gobshyte I think she's being. I know that's not going to happen, but damn it, I wish it was. In fact, just because this chapter makes me feel like a vindictive bastard, it loses points that I'm not even using just for making me walk down the worst parts of my own memory lane. Thank you for making me hate myself a little just now, Stephenie Meyer. As usual, you've been a real pantload.
COMING NEXT SCENE: At least this chapter is short, or maybe it's because I give less of a rat's ass.
Seriously, what am I supposed to be divining from this chapter? That Bella really hurts? That Bella loves Edward? That Bella can't function without him? Damn it all, I already knew all this! What's the point of trying to hammer it in my head further? To make it stick? I'm sure there's probably a payoff here, but right now I'd much rather just kick Bella's ass until she realizes what a gobshyte I think she's being. I know that's not going to happen, but damn it, I wish it was. In fact, just because this chapter makes me feel like a vindictive bastard, it loses points that I'm not even using just for making me walk down the worst parts of my own memory lane. Thank you for making me hate myself a little just now, Stephenie Meyer. As usual, you've been a real pantload.
COMING NEXT SCENE: At least this chapter is short, or maybe it's because I give less of a rat's ass.
