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[personal profile] jkmoreno
(The following entry was crossposted from The Hundredaire Socialite)

As I type this sentence, it's six in the morning, and I have yet to fall asleep. Part of this is likely due to not waking up until three in the afternoon yesterday, and probably the caffeinated beverage of choice I had after work, but I think a part of it is the one thing I don't like about evening shifts at work: if they're rough (and tonight was), I either get too wired to sleep, or otherwise just have an inability to really relax. My mind can be a funny thing that way sometimes.

I've been meaning to post for some time now, but the fact of the matter is that I've been busy. A lot busier than even I thought, and it all just kinda hit me tonight. It's yet another difference between college me and working me, and especially between college me and Hundredaire Socialite me. College me faffed about a lot and had plenty of "me time" as defined by the Wiktionary: time to oneself; a period spent relaxing on one's own. Working me obviously did that a lot less, but there was still downtime on my off days, when I wasn't unhinged from whatever took a Phillips-head to my ... um, head. Hundredaire Socialite me is working a lot and going out a lot. At the least, it's a lot compared to how much I used to go out, as I joked about in the last entry.

I was at the bar talking with some people, I forget exactly who. Robert was tending, so I know he was there, and a former coworker, also named Robert, who regularly stops in for beer and conversation was there too, but I can't remember who else. In any case, someone mentioned their lack of free time, and I'd mentioned in sympathy that I hadn't really had any free time since I got back from San Diego on Sunday night. Thursday I spent the day with Breanna at Santa Cruz (which I'll probably put in my personal blog at some point), and every other day this week I've been working. I'm working the next three days as well, so Thursday currently is tagged as a "me day" with the encouragement of both Roberts. Christmas Eve marks some tentative plans with Breanna since we'll both be working our tails off to close out the year.

Sometime later it hit me that I haven't had me time in longer than that.

San Diego, while fun and awesome, wasn't really me time because it was business related and I was with Amanda and someone else the whole time. One thing about being at functions with Amanda, which she and I have both hung various styles of lampshade on, is that I tend to shift into what I'm currently defining as "wingman mode". "Wingman mode" is where I'm usually being more supportive than I might normally be, making extra efforts to be helpful and providing, and generally being a good partner, i.e. "not leaving my wingman." For example, if she needs me to bring food and drink to something, I tend to being enough to feed an army. If she needs someone to get something, I'm usually the one who does it. Back when I drove a better car than she did, I did more of our driving around when we carpooled places, and now I usually help her out with gas or incidentals to exchange for the return of the favor. I do it because it's what I do with all of my close friends, and because I enjoy it, but it technically doesn't fit the definition of "me time" and the other person was like an epic level wet blanket.

So I thought to myself "okay, when was my last day off before San Diego?" I couldn't recall it offhand. I knew that, despite taking the day before and the day after the event off to account for travel plus a chance of can't-be-arsed, I ended up working those days anyway, and I was scheduled last Monday through Wednesday as well. Last Saturday and Sunday was the aforementioned social cramming, and I knew I worked the preceding Friday both because it was odd that I did and because I had plenty of coworkers wish me a good time at the Dickens Fair.. I'm -pretty- sure I was off that Thursday, but I can't accurately recall, which brings to mind the old saying about not remembering the last time you whatever.

So assuming I took Thursday as a "me day", that will be twenty straight days without any "me time". I'm somewhat certain that that's a personal best for me. My sleeping schedule, however, is nearing its personal worst that seems to see me sleep only every other day. Which is probably why I'm insanely thinking about picking up a shift that day if I can, with the rationale that if I'm in this deep, I might as well see just how far I can take it.

Not that time with Breanna is bad, mind you. It's not. It's a great joy that I wish I could do more often, even knowing that in a couple of weeks I'll be with the Bawdy Caste and will get to spend a two or three weekends a month with her guaranteed. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that spending time with her is still not a totally natural thing yet, even if it is more relaxing than "me time." It feels right bordering on perfect, I look forward to it more eagerly than anything, and it's even relaxing being in wingman mode with her. It just hasn't become routine yet, not like going to work and coming home and coming online to check Facebook and my blogroll.

Okay, I think that's enough insomniatic ranting for now. I gotta be at work in a few hours anyway.
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May 2012

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